The Power of Listening to Understand

Some of the most brutal feedback I received came from my leadership coach, who told me I was “cutting my team members off at the knees.” He spoke to several team members to learn about my strengths and opportunity areas and learned that, in one way or another, I did not fully listen to them. They brought me problems, and I jumped to problem-solving. They shared an idea, and I offered advice to make it better. They shared an issue, and I wanted to resolve it immediately. Instead of empowering them by listening, I was “cutting them off at the knees,” making them feel less than.

Ouch!

Does any of this sound like you, too?

I know a few leaders who are excellent listeners, but most of us can be much better at listening with the intent to understand and learn. Too often, our strengths and insecurities get in the way of genuinely listening. As leaders, we are likely good problem solvers, so when someone brings us a problem, we dive into problem-solving mode when they only want to keep us informed or help them by asking them questions. We disempower them by essentially communicating, “You are not good enough to do this, so I will do it for you.” Or our insecurities get in the way. We listen with the intent to respond for a number of reasons, including protecting our position or idea, being attached to an identity that, as the leader, we should be smarter and more aware than others, or we should be the one educating others and not the other way around.

Listening to understand and learn empowers others. Here is how we can do it.

1. Be aware and present when listening.

2. When we start feeling the need to respond, be curious about where it comes from. Is it a desire to protect or preserve a position? Have we fully understood the other person? Try to hold off.

3. Stay curious and ask questions with the intent to learn and understand. The added bonus of this is that your questions will help the other person learn and gain clarity as well.

4. Acknowledge not only what you heard but also the meaning behind what they said. Stay in this loop of being aware, present, curious, and ensuring they feel understood for as long as possible.

   
   

Listening is a simple way of transcending ourselves and showing love for others by taking time to be present and understand them, yet it is so hard for us to do because of our strengths and insecurities. Take time to reflect on your listening habits, ask for feedback from others on your listening habits, and practice the four-step listening loop.